Still Waiting

Nervous.  Excited.   Scared.  Hopeful.  Terrified.  Thrilled.  Anxious.    

Our first ultrasound is tomorrow at 4:15.  Hopefully, we get to hear the heartbeat.  It’s been over a week since the last lab test that said, “Yep, still pregnant.”  I didn’t think I’d be able to go this long without making her take a million home pregnancy tests, just to be sure.  Her symptoms have been strong enough to keep me calm, at least for most of the week.  These last 2 days have been rough.  The clock has been moving slower than molasses in January in northern Maine.  I swear skating practice took 5 hours tonight.  Ok, it was only 2 and a half, but it felt closer to 5. 

During our two week wait (insemination until we could test), I kept thinking I would feel better as soon as I saw the positive.  Once we had our home pregnancy test positive, I was still so nervous and thought I would feel better as soon as we got her lab results.  The lab results came back positive, but she had to get them done again, to make sure the little nugget was growing.  So I SWORE I would be less nervous as soon as they came back ok.   And they did.  She has been moody, exhausted, nauseous, has an insane sense of smell and is already craving weird food, but I’m still nervous.  I swear I will feel better once I see that little heart beat.  Well, maybe at 12 weeks, when I know we are (mostly) out of the woods.  Or once the baby is born and I know he or she and mama are healthy.  Then I should be fine.  I swear.